


War of Hearts

by Robron101



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending, Light Sexual Content, Loneliness, M/M, future setting, pining Aaron, slight established relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-10
Updated: 2016-05-10
Packaged: 2018-06-07 13:59:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6807886
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Robron101/pseuds/Robron101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Future setting:</p><p>Aaron dumps Robert after he finds out that he burnt the letter from Gordon. Can they make their way back to each other?</p>
            </blockquote>





	War of Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> So the song I based this off of was War of Hearts by Ruelle. It is a very Robron-ish song. You might remember it from Shadowhunters if you watched it - it's playing when Alec is getting ready to marry Lydia. It's an amazing song.

_Come to me_  
_In the night hours_  
_I will wait for you_

 

Aaron laid alone in his bed and craved not to be. He missed the warmth and security Robert exuded when he was there. Now the bed was empty and the loneliness engulfed him. He lay awake, not finding solace in sleep without him there. He missed him so much, but the pain he'd caused him was also too much. The lies he'd told, and the fact that he kept him the dark again was unforgivable. But now, sleeping alone, he thought that it was possible to forgive. To look past the stupid decision he'd made. Aaron tried to tell himself that he was just trying to protect him, but Aaron didn't need protection. He needed honesty, and Robert had denied him of that. 

On a level he understood why Robert hadn't given him the letter, but at the same time the judgment call he'd made to not do so was reprehensible. He wasn't a child. He could make his own decisions, and Robert chose not to have faith in him to make the right one. 

 

 _And I can’t sleep_ _Cause thoughts devour  
Thoughts of you consume_

 

He rolled over, pulling the pillow Robert slept with to his chest. It still smelled like him, even weeks after of him not being in Aaron's bed. He inhaled and almost cried. The pain of missing him almost too much to bear. He remembered the way Robert would hold him, kiss his forehead, and whisper that he wasn't alone. Now he was, and he didn't know how to handle it. 

Robert had given him so much hope. 

Hope that they could have something. 

Hope that he wasn't alone.

Now he only felt alone, more than ever before. He wanted him there, to touch, to hold, to feel safe. There was no safety being in a bed alone. Aaron wondered if Robert slept now, or if he was awake thinking of him as he was. Honestly, he didn't want to know the answer. The thought of him in a deep sleep – not caring of how Aaron was coping without him, hurting too much, and the knowledge of him being awake – hurting as bad as Aaron – was also too much. He couldn't win. He hated that. Aaron always felt like a loser, but when Robert had stuck by him he'd honestly felt like a winner; now he felt like a loser again. He didn't know how to contend with it. 

So he let the tears fall. He poured out a fountain of pain and sorrow until he was exhausted and he fell asleep without meaning to. 

 

_I can't help but love you_  
_Even though I try not to_  
_I can't help but want you_  
_I know that I'd die without you_

 

They couldn't stop running into each other. Aaron wasn't surprised – the village only had so many places for people to gather. It was usually the Cafe or David's. Robert tried his best to stay out of the pub and started working from Keeper's Cottage – staying away from the porta-cabin unless it was an emergency. When they did run into each other, they'd avoid eye contact – only so the other wouldn't see the pain in the others eyes that being apart was causing them. They'd go about their business; not even acknowledging the others presence with a nod or greeting. 

Aaron hated those moments the most. Seeing him, knowing he was still there, was hard. Especially when he wanted to grab him and tell him to come back, to come home to him. He stopped himself each time; hating the pain he'd feel later for not trying to fix things. 

Robert took it upon himself to stay out of Aaron's way as much as possible. _Space_ , he kept telling himself, _all he needs is space and then he'll want me back_ , but each day that passed made those words seem like a fairy tale he was telling himself to get by. He'd give anything to get him back, but this time it felt like anything wasn't enough. 

 

_Stay with me a little longer  
I will wait for you_

 

His Mum tried to help. She would try to talk to him, make him see reason, but Aaron wouldn't listen. Didn't want to. He just wanted to find a way to move on. It seemed like that was never going to happen, and the knowledge of that sank into his very bones everyday. Those moments when him and Robert would catch each others eyes in the pub – Robert making his exit quickly to give him space – those moments felt like years of heartbreak and disaster. Especially since all Aaron wanted was to walk over, grab him, and tell him that he needed him, craved him, was dying without him. 

“Just go talk to him,” Chas would say. Aaron would take a sip from his pint and tell her to butt out. Chas wouldn't though. “You know you can't keep away from him forever. Aaron he loves you.” At those words, Aaron would storm away. Making a show of turning his back on her as if her words didn't affect him; but oh God did they. 

He tried to find ways to rid Robert from his mind. He threw himself into Liv, making her life his, but it wasn't working. He loved her, but it wasn't enough. He need someone to love him like Robert had – did. Liv could see how depressed her brother was and even she couldn't make it better. She started keeping away from him, not being able to handle the sorrow he was giving off. 

 

_Shadows creep_  
_And want grows stronger_  
_Deeper than the truth_

 

Chas also tried speaking with Robert. “He wants you to make things right.” 

“No,” Robert would say and slam his empty pint glass down on the bar in irritation. “He asked me to keep away. All I can give him now is that. I won't hurt him anymore.” 

“But you love him,” Chas said. 

“That doesn't matter. He doesn't want me,” Robert would storm out of the bar before the tears would start. He found himself crying for no reason most days. At least he told himself there was no reason for tears even though he knew that his was breaking of its own accord. 

 

_I can't help but love you_  
_Even though I try not to_  
_I can't help but want you_  
_I know that I'd die without you_

 

Aaron got to the point he would seek Robert out just so he could have those moments to watch him from afar. He noticed he looked horrible, not gross, but lonely. Watching him and seeing him in that state hurt Aaron more than ever. He loved him so much, but didn't know if he could trust him. 

Aaron was sitting at the bar – watching Robert as he sat with Jimmy and Nicola talking about their business. He watched him push his hands through his blond hair – each time craving to do it for him. Aaron would see his eyes slip to him for a moment before looking away. He snapped something at Nicola before standing up – knocking his chair over in the process – and storming out of the pub without a final look at Aaron. 

He wanted so badly to go after Robert but couldn't make himself move. He got up and went into the back of the pub, throwing his body down onto the sofa. Liv was out but he didn't want her company right now, nor did he want Chas' – he was thankful she was out as well. 

He closed his eyes and as soon as he did, he wished he hadn't. It was all there behind his eyelids. Kisses, hugs, moments of love – at least he thinks that they were moments of love. Robert's smiling face danced behind his closed eyes and the pain he'd been feeling for weeks burst through him and he cried. He couldn't stop it. He didn't want to. He wanted all of it out of him. 

 

 _I can’t help but be wrong in the dark_  
_Cause I’m overcome in this war of hearts_  
_I can’t help but want oceans to part_  
_Cause I’m overcome in this war of hearts_

 

He didn't want to take Robert back. He didn't want to go through more pain – knowing it would be inevitable if he chose to take him back, but watching him from afar and dreaming about being with him wasn't enough. He needed him. Aaron had needed Robert since the beginning, and now that he'd had a taste of something real with him, he craved it constantly. Being apart was too hard. Even though he didn't want the pain that might be caused later on, he couldn't stand the pain of being away from him even more now. 

Robert sat alone in the pub – wishing Aaron would appear so he could catch a glimpse of the man he loved; when he was surprised by a body sliding into the booth he occupied. His breathing stopped and started again, his heart beating a mile a minute when he realized it was Aaron. Robert noted he look tired and more sad than ever. He wanted so badly to get up and slide into the seat next to him, grab him, and hold him for hours in silence. It wasn't that easy; not anymore. He'd fucked up too badly this time. 

They stared at each other. Neither of them knowing what to say. Robert too consumed by the fact that this is the closest they'd been in weeks, and Aaron trying to make sense of the uncompleted sentences in his head. 

“Hi,” Robert breathed out in a whisper. 

“Hi,” Aaron said back. It was easier to say than what he wanted to. It was silent again; both of them staring and trying to figure out what to say next. 

“I'm so sorry,” Robert said. He'd said it over and over and it hadn't made a difference to Aaron then and he wasn't sure it would now. 

“Are you really?” Aaron asked. 

“No,” Robert was honest. He wasn't sorry for burning Gordon's letter. Aaron had told him he wanted nothing to do with him anymore, and he was just trying to make that happen. “But that still doesn't make me regret what I did.” 

“Come into the back,” Aaron said. He didn't wait for a reply. He got up and went into the back, not bothering to check if Robert was following him. Robert left his half finished pint of the table and followed after Aaron, his heart hammering in his chest. 

They sat far apart on the sofa, neither of them speaking yet. Robert could taste his pulse on his tongue as Aaron stared at him. He wasn't sure but he wouldn't be surprised if Aaron could hear his heart racing in his chest. 

“What you did . . . how could you?” Aaron didn't wait for answer. “I'm not a child, Robert. I know you were trying to look out for me, but I have to make those kind of decisions on my own. I had a right to do that and you took it from me.” 

“I just wanted you to be happy. You were doing so well and I was afraid if I gave you that letter you'd lose yourself again.” 

“It was still my choice . . . not yours. You can't control me that way,” Aaron clenched his hands into fists, took a deep breath before he started yelling.

“I wasn't trying to control you,” Robert reached out for Aaron, but thought better of it and pulled back. “I was trying to look out for you.” 

“You can't,” Aaron whispered. “You can't look out for me like that. I need you to be here but not if you're going to deceive me.” 

“You – you still want me?” 

Aaron moved closer to Robert. Only once he was next to him – their thighs touching – did he move his face closer. His eyes never leaving Robert's. He bumped their noses together a couple times before finally kissing him. Aaron rested his hand on one of his thighs and the other cupped Robert behind his neck. 

“I'm always going to want you,” Aaron whispered against his lips. “I love you.” 

Robert jerked back to look into Aaron's beautiful blue eyes, looking for confirmation that he'd actually heard those words. There was no lie in them. His lips were formed into a small smile, and his hand left his neck to brush along his cheek bone. “I love you,” he said again.

Robert kissed him again, his arm wrapping around Aaron's waist and practically pulling him into his lap. When they broke away both of them were panting against each other, their hot breath dancing along each others faces. 

“Will you . . . come upstairs with me?” If Aaron had asked him any other time he'd have been up those stairs before Aaron could have made a move towards them, but now . . . now he needed to know Aaron really wanted that. 

“Are you sure? Just because you told me that you love me doesn't mean you owe me anything else,” Robert pulled him closer so he was sitting on his lap. He ran a finger over his lips and across his jaw. 

“I'm sure. You're what I want and that's never going to change. Please come upstairs with me.” Robert nodded and let Aaron take him by the hand and lead him upstairs. 

 

_I can't help but love you_  
_Even though I try not to_  
_I can't help but want you_  
_I know that I'd die without you_

 

The way he held him, tight around his waist as he pushed into him. It wasn't the sex – even though it was amazing – it was the way he whispered in his ear how much he loved him. It was the way he said he missed Aaron, not missed the sex, but just him. Aaron panted and reached around to dig to his nails into his arse as Robert pumped into him. 

“Aaron,” he cried. 

“Robert,” Aaron cried out his name as he got closer to nirvana. “I love you.” 

“I love you,” he gasped out before he came and not soon after did Aaron's orgasm follow. 

Robert held him tightly in his arms that night, refusing to let go. Aaron had no complaints. In fact he asked him to hold him tighter, his arms holding so tight it was almost painful in a way. They stared at each, not saying much, just enjoying the feel of being pressed together. 

 

_I can’t help but be wrong in the dark_  
_Cause I’m overcome in this war of hearts_  
_I can’t help but want oceans to part_  
_Cause I’m overcome in this war of hearts_

 

Robert fell asleep first. Aaron watched him as he slept, feeling happier than he had in a long time. It didn't matter what was to come, the struggles they might face, because he knew that together they could make it. Aaron knew he could make it with him. 

“I love you,” he whispered one last time before pressing his face against Robert's chest and drifting off to sleep.


End file.
